To Lose Is to Die
by Lily-liegh
Summary: What's wrong with wanting to win? / Rivalshipping


_How to Win – Secrets Revealed from the Master Chess Player "KAI"._

 _Top 30 Strategies to Beating Virtual VS._

 _The Golden Rule of Capsule Monsters Chess._

The articles of _Game King,_ Japan's elite gaming magazine, pop out of the page with bright colours and exuberant fonts. As Yuugi unpacks them and sets them on the display shelf, he admires the front page with a longing smile. Only the best gamers – someone Yuugi dreams of becoming –appear on the front page of _Game King_. Yuugi catches snatches of an online interview with the mysterious KAI, who holds the top score for every arcade game in Domino. On another page there is a more prestigious interview with Kaiba Seto and Pegasus J. Crawford, two billionaire businessmen whose companies – KaibaCorp and I2, respectively – design and produce the most popular games worldwide.

Yet while these companies shape the gaming industry, Yuugi has recently seen that their competition has been thinning. Smaller gaming business have disappeared due to lack of service. Companies that have made profits have been bought out by the megalomaniacs. Even game stores such at the Mutou's Kame Game Shop have felt the pressure by the two companies. In a way, Yuugi believes that it's wrong. The companies that are bought out by KaibaCorp or I2 rarely reap the benefits. Because the companies are not the owners of the games, there is no law stating that the larger companies must share the profits with the family businesses. What often happens is the larger company buys out the smaller company. Soon they begin firing the employees – if there are any to begin with – until there is nothing left of the original shop. Because of new technology, many of these shops close and their merchandise is sold online to an international gaming community.

Yuugi thinks it is wrong. He can handle die-hard gamers who abandon their life for a game. He is frustrated by championship gamers like KAI who hog the glory of being the best in every game, but even then Yuugi knows that someone will beat them. What Yuugi cannot stand is people who unfairly take advantage of others – and that is what has been happening for the past year. Family-run game stores are going extinct.

"Another closure?" His grandfather asks.

Yuugi nods. "But it's up north. There's not as much business in those cities."

The reply is a shrug. His grandfather continues to busy himself with dusting the shelves to make room for another hit release. The newest booster packs for Capsule Monsters Chess rest in a cardboard pop-out case that features the collectible monsters. Yuugi remembers when Capsule Monsters were sold in vending machines. It had been a surprise back then to open the package and discover the new monster.

As Yuugi continues to flip through the pages of _Game King_ , he spots the interview with KAI. The rumours about this champion have been intriguing. Some believe that he is one game otaku – a NEET who spends his inheritance on his games. Yuugi and Jonouchi had once wondered if KAI was an acronym for a secret gaming club. Perhaps KAI was not one person, but an underground community of Japan's best gamers. There have even been speculations that KAI isn't even a gamer but a hacker or a cheat. Whatever the assumption, Yuugi has been working to beat KAI at one of his games. Then _Game King_ would interview him and perhaps Yuugi could tell them about his family's game shop.

"Still looking at that?" a voice says near his ear. Yuugi jumps and swats at Jonouchi, who has made him appearance with a doujin in one hand and a corn dog in the other. He takes a bite, swallows it whole, and grins. "I still think that guy's cheating. No one's that good at every game … except you, Yuugi, but this guy's on a whole another level. He must have no life."

"That's why I think it's more than one person. Maybe two friends, or siblings. People who wouldn't betray each other when they achieve fame."

Jonouchi shrugs and takes a magazine for himself. He leafs through it with a casual glance at a review of Virtual VS, a new game that had arrived at the arcade last week. KAI was already at the top of the leader boards, but Yuugi, being adept at fighter-type games (or games in general) was ranked second.

"Anyone who spends their time playing games all day must care about nothing except winning. They must be addicted. They're greedy."

Yuugi doesn't want to agree, but he feels as though KAI may have an obsession with winning – which is both good and bad. After all, it's not wrong to want to win. It's a desire that drives action.

* * *

It is next week when Yuugi beats KAI in Virtual VS. Yuugi remembers his cry of joy as the screen illuminated with "YOU WON!" Even before an animation of Yuugi's score rising to first appears on the screen, Yuugi knows that he is the champion. He knows his opponent's score. He beat the champion.

To Yuugi's luck, the following day he receives two letters. The first one is from _Game King_ , who has requested an interview with him. Most of the letter addresses legal information such as permission to be photographed and permission to be published. The letter praises him for his achievement. At the bottom there is a telephone number, an e-mail, and an address.

 _We'd be honoured to meet the newest champion_ , the letter reads. _Please contact our business to speak with an associate who can help you schedule an interview._

Yuugi leaps off his seat and makes for the door, but not before his hand catches on the second letter. He stills. He'd forgotten about the second letter in the hype of the first, but now he is curious. This second letter looks more formal – it's handwritten and addressed to a _Mutou-san_. Not Yuugi. To Yuugi's confusion, there is no return address or postage. The letter therefore was not delivered by the postman.

Yuugi tears open the card and extracts one sheet of paper. The same elegant cursive is printed on the inside. It reads:

 _Dear Mutou Yuugi-kun – 'YUU'_

 _You lost._

If the purpose of this letter is to scare Yuugi, then it has succeeded. Yuugi rereads the letter again before he sets it on the table with a long sigh. Yuugi knows who it's from: KAI. The mysterious gamer is the only 'enemy' Yuugi has made in months. Yet it is still shocking that this gamer would go through the trouble of personally delivering a letter to Yuugi, when their 'fight' is only an arcade game. Why does it matter if KAI isn't the champion of _every_ game in Domino? Yuugi is only the winner of one. But Yuugi's win must have infuriated the other gamer.

After he rereads the letter a third time, Yuugi brings both letters to his grandfather. He holds them out, writing down and asks, "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?"

His grandfather pauses for a moment. "The bad news."

Yuugi hands him the letter from KAI. His grandfather reads it twice – once with a surprised look, and then again with a dark face that makes Yuugi shake. When his grandfather returns the letter to him, he doesn't say a word. He takes the other letter from Yuugi's hand and reads it. Once done, he replaces the letter.

"Are you mad?" Yuugi asks.

"It's not all about winning," his grandfather begins. "There are no stakes in Virtual VS. There are no penalties or punishments for losing. This is a _game_. This player – KAI – is not playing a game. They believe there are punishments to this game, and it appears your win was a challenge that said you are better than them. They've taken this loss personally."

"It's not wrong to want to win, though," Yuugi begins. He realises that he is defending the player who just sent a threatening message. But somehow Yuugi understands this enigmatic person. Who doesn't want to win? Who wishes to lose (unless the game has better results for the loser, but he's digressing)? What if there are stakes and punishments for KAI if they don't win? What if when a member of the gang KAI falls off the leader board, they are executed. What if KAI sent this message to protect themself?

"The lengths this gamer is going to tarnishes the name of gaming." His grandfather holds the letter up to Yuugi's face to make a point. When Yuugi shrugs, he says, "This gamer threatened you. Are you scared by this, Yuugi?"

"Yes." _But so is he._

"They are threatening you."

"Yes." _But I threatened_ _them_ _when I beat_ _them._

His grandfather holds the paper close to him, no longer is it waving at him like a premonition of war. Yuugi looks at it one more time before turning away.

"I didn't mean to challenge them this way. I didn't mean to win like this."

A pair of strong hands wrap around him. Yuugi chokes and feels tears in his eyes. His grandfather does not understand though. His grandfather has played games with penalties. His grandfather has won. KAI has played games like his grandfather; they must be old, wise beyond their years. But KAI has lost.

"Yuugi, KAI will not hurt you. They are the one who has been hurt."

 _But then why was it right for me to win? I didn't need to win. I_ wanted _to win. I wanted to make it to the top because Jonouchi-kun and I thought that would be fun. I wanted to win because I would get an interview with_ Game King _and that might bring more customers to the store. Is that greedy? Why does KAI want to win? My materialistic wishes are nothing compared to someone's wishes to succeed. What did this win bring to KAI – and what punishment did they sustain from the loss? Do they see themselves as a failure? Do they believe they always have to win?_

Yuugi says nothing as he head back to his room to hide the letters. His bedroom is messy with the blue bedsheets thrown to the floor and half-finished games littering the floors. Yuugi considers finishing them, but the thought of _winning_ feels wrong. Why does he want to win so badly? Why is everything about finishing, being better, being the first?

When he returns downstairs, dressed in his windcheater and jeans, his grandfather comments, "Are you going to the arcade again?"

"No," Yuugi replies, and he winces when the words come out more defensive than he intended. "I mean – I'm just going to visit Jonouchi. See if he wants to go shopping."

"Stick close to him," his grandfather says. Yuugi frowns. "This KAI knew where we lived, Yuugi. I don't want him … preventing you from beating him."

As much as Yuugi believes that KAI would stalk him, he laughs it off. "I'll be safe. Don't worry, Grandpa." And he leaves the house with his shoes undone, running across the pavement to Jonouchi's house. At each turn, Yuugi braces himself for someone to jump in front of him, pull out a knife, and whisper, "Follow me or you die." How serious is the KAI person about winning?

Nothing of that sort happens. The run to Jonouchi's house is pleasant at first and then grows more decrepit. While Yuugi lives in a cosy suburb with wide pavements, small roads, and quaint shops that line the boardwalk, Jonouchi lives in the low-income district. The streets are litter-free, but there are dark smudges from where bikes, skateboards, and cars have screeched their tires. Paints chips off the buildings. Most of the structures are made from wood or cheap metal; if there is ever an earthquake, this district will crumble first.

Jonouchi's apartment complex is grey with a glass door. There are three flower pots in the entrance. The flowers died long ago, but an assortment of wild vegetation crawls over the chipped sides of the pots and sprawls to the ground. It is impossible to see the names printed on the other side of the foggy glass, but Yuugi has memorized the board long ago. He presses the second button on the right, third from the bottom. Seconds later, Jonouchi answers with a "Yo."

"Ready to go?" Yuugi says.

"Gimme a few minutes. I'll be down in a second."

Yuugi waits. He has been in Jonouchi's house once, and since then he has waited for Jonouchi to come out on his own. Part of this is because of Jonouchi's embarrassment about his living conditions. His house isn't like a hoarder's, but there are often dirty dishes on the tables and counters. Most areas of the house have a layer of dust or grime on them. The only area of the house that is clean is Jonouchi's bedroom: his bed is always made, his desk always tidy, and his floor always decluttered.

Another reason why Yuugi never goes to Jonouchi's house is because of his father. Jonouchi-san is a brash, grumpy, and sarcastic man, whose attitude only grows darker with alcohol. He has a grudging respect for Jonouchi, as he has never laid a hand on the boy, but he dislikes strangers in his house.

"Wake up, sleepy-head. Let's go!" Jonouchi grabs Yuugi's shoulder and gives it a shake. "You in there?"

"I'm here!" Yuugi says. He follows Jonouchi to the road, where they stop and pause. They haven't thought past this.

"Want to head to the arcade?"

Yuugi shakes his head. "Let's do something different today. How about the mall?"

"Sure," Jonouchi says, "but don't you want to beat KAI again?"

Yuugi pauses. "They beat me?"

Jonouchi smiles. "You bet he did. I went there last night for another round before it closed and the guy'd already beaten you – by a damn 4,000 points too! I don't know how he did it, or even _when_ he did it, but he reclaimed his title. Persistent punk, huh?"

Yuugi does not respond. His throat feels tight and his heart beats in his chest. KAI already beat him. Not even six hours later and Yuugi lost. Yuugi swallows and looks to Jonouchi. He tells him about the two letters he received this morning. He tells him about the talk with his grandfather. He tells him about how he is worried about KAI, and how Yuugi doesn't want to beat them because perhaps this win means more to KAI than to him.

"It's just a game, though," Jonouchi says. "And you want to win to help your grandfather and his shop. That's a good reason. You're not just doing it for you."

"Maybe KAI isn't either."

"Who cares about KAI? He didn't have the guts to approach you. You're worrying about someone who you know nothing about."

"But I want to know them!" Yuugi says. His voice rises, and Yuugi bites his tongue and stills his breathing. His hands are slicked with sweat. "Jonouchi-kun, KAI wants to win. I want them to win too."

Jonouchi stops. Yuugi can see that he's thinking the same as his grandfather: why put others before yourself? Why do others matter more than you? Yuugi doesn't believe that he should always receive the short end of the stick, but just once someone else should deserve a chance to win. And most importantly, wanting to win is good. People deserve to win.

"You're good, Yuugi." Jonouchi smiles and pushes Yuugi's shoulder. "You see the good in everyone."

The two boys head to the mall to Super Potato, a massive game store that sells the newest Japanese and foreign games. Yuugi's grandfather doesn't know that they visit this store. While the Kame Game Shop sells the rare collectibles, this store's shelves are stocked with the hit games: _Capsule Monsters Chess, Virtual VS,_ and _Magic & Wizards._ The interior is crowded with junior high and high school kids; most of the big groups huddle before the nearest cardboard display of _Magic & Wizards __Vol. 2_ _._ Yuugi already owns every card in the set – his grandfather's collection of trading cards surpasses what can be bought at Super Potato, but further inspection reveals that there are new gaming guides that Yuugi doesn't own.

He buys them without a second thought. Yuugi brings them to the only employee at the store: a young man, certainly a game otaku, wearing a too-big shirt that reads "Level Up!" As the man scans Yuugi's items and asks him if he has a rewards card, Yuugi and Jonouchi examine a poster of Virtual VS's Bruce Ryu.

"Do you want to be the top? There's a big battle going on right now." The cashier points to the poster to emphasize what he's asking them about.

Yuugi raises both eyebrows. "There is?"

"Between KAI and YUU," the boy continues. "YUU beat KAI yesterday, and last night KAI reclaimed his title. The companies I2 and KaibaCorp have been investigating the sudden interest in the game. There hasn't been much official news yet, but" – the cashier leans in closer, and Yuugi and Jonouchi mimic the posture – "I've heard that they're going to host a big battle between KAI and YUU. But it's not going to be a Virtual VS battle."

Jonouchi leans back. "And why not?"

"Pegasus said that since the competitors have already proven their worth in Virtual VS, that now they should face each other in the 'ancient game'."

Yuugi leans in closer. An ancient game is a rather vague term. For example, his grandfather once told him about the supposed first game in history: senet. Another possibility could be that the game is timeless rather than ancient, in which case it would be chess. There are other timeless games in his grandfather's shop – Go, checkers, backgammon. Or the game could even be set in an ancient time. The newest book for the table-top RPG Monster World is set in Ancient Rome. Whatever the clue, Yuugi is sure that whatever game Pegasus and Kaiba host will be a spectacle to watch.

Yuugi pays for the books afterwards and leaves the store. Jonouchi shoots him cheeky glances and Yuugi can't help but blush. As YUU, the second champion of Virtual VS, he is now a legend. _Game King_ wants to interview him, and the top two international gaming companies want to invite him to a match against the legendary KAI. He has become a gaming idol overnight and he didn't even know about it! Yuugi can't help but feel overwhelmed in this situation. He knows he is a good gamer, but is he able to beat a supposed "King of All Games"?

"Don't sweat it," Jonouchi tells him, as if he can read his mind. "What you need to remember is that you're not in there to win. That's greedy. You've said it to me before – it's not just about winning. It's about fighting for your dream."

"And even if I lose, I'll still be good at games," Yuugi adds in a hopeful voice.

"Right! So as long as you keep thinking like that – like you taught me after all those years – then I think you'll be fine."

* * *

The following day, Yuugi exits his house to find a letter stuck under his doormat. There is still sleep in his eyes, so at first it is hard to read the loopy scribble. After rubbing his eyes, he sees that the 'loopy scribble' is actually English. Yuugi has never been good at English. However, what confuses him is why an English letter is hidden at his door. Jonouchi would never pull a prank like this – his English marks were worse than his! Shrugging off the suspicion, Yuugi opens the letter.

 _Dear Mutou Yuugi_ , it begins.

 _Please come to_ _Unmei Tea House at 12 o'clock precisely. This special invitation is extended only to you; no guests please. I hope to see you there for your memorable game._

 _Pegasus J. Crawford_

At the bottom of the letter is a hand-drawn rabbit holding a sign that reads "Come and meet your fate!" The comic is cute, but the letter makes Yuugi's stomach churn. This is his invitation to duel KAI in the ancient game. He is scared of this. Maybe he doesn't have much to lose if he lost (KAI has a much bigger reputation) but Yuugi wants that opportunity to show his grandfather how good he's become. Yuugi wants to help his grandfather's shop.

The letter in his hand crumples. The ink smudges from his sweaty palms that knead the paper. _Come and meet your fate._ Is this Yuugi's fate? Is this KAI's fate? Who even is KAI, and what does he have at stake? Yuugi realises that this is much more than just a game. This is a game hosted by the top gaming companies in the world, against the King of All Games, and the outcome will appear in the top gaming magazine. This match will be legendary, and Yuugi is a part of it.

Yuugi tells himself that he will be fine. He takes a few tentative steps forward.

"Are you going out today?" Yuugi turns to see his grandfather in the doorway. His overalls are dusty from cleaning and his tired face shows that he's been up long before the sun rose. This shop is his latter dream; after exploring tombs and catacombs, he returned to Japan to help his daughter raise the then-young Yuugi. Now Yuugi sees him with a wise glance that seems to say, _I know where you're going._

"Nowhere in particular," Yuugi says. "I'll be back before dinner."

"You better – there are dishes to clean." He smiles. "Good luck."

"Thank you." Yuugi gives his grandfather a salute as he turns on his heel. "I'm off!"

Now away from others, Yuugi travels down the street to the tea house. He has never been there before, but his mother has explained to him many times about the art of tea ceremonies. For one, there is more to it than tea (as Yuugi and Jonouchi had previously thought). It is an ancient art that was once performed by the geisha. Now there are less formal ceremonies in which plebeians can partake, though the best experience comes from the traditional Way of Tea held during festivals and holidays. It makes sense for Pegasus and Kaiba to host their battle in a tea house if the theme is 'ancient'.

As Yuugi approaches, he worries if he should have prepared the night before. How does one prepare for a contest about which he knows nothing? He doesn't.

"Welcome, Yuugi-kun," a voice calls. Yuugi looks up to see Pegasus standing in the doorway. The man is quite a sight: long, silver hair blows in the wind, framing his slender face; only one eye is revealed by the part of his hair. The other eye is hidden. If the hair didn't help him stand out, then perhaps the wine-red suit he wears would draw attention to his famed presence. But no, people pass without a second glance at the man.

In another part of Yuugi's mind, he wonders how Pegasus knew his true name. Yuugi chooses not to ask for fear of bombarding his host with too many questions.

"Hello, Pegasus-san," Yuugi greets, bowing low. "Have I come to the right place?"

"Certainly." A hand hooks under Yuugi's chin and his face is lifted to meet the man's. Yuugi catches a glimpse of gold behind the man's hair before Pegasus moves Yuugi's head to look beyond him towards a darkened room. "You will not speak of what happens beyond this room. Your true nature will show in this room. You will be scared. Your opponent is also scared. But remember that fear is what drives you to your dream. What do you want, Mutou Yuugi-kun? Do you want to win? How do you accept loss? You and your opponent will be tested in this game. I expect the results to be motivational."

Yuugi doesn't hear much more. He sees dark tendrils that sweep along the walls. There are shadows on the floors, walls, and ceilings – places where there shouldn't be shadows because there s no light in the room. However, Yuugi can see across the room. He spots decorative wall scrolls that paint the adventures of ancient heroes. Along the room sit small pots of decorative flowers. The aesthetic of the room should be pleasing, but Yuugi feels as though he's walked into a twisted nightmare. Across for him, Kaiba Seto sits. Yuugi looks around for his opponent, but spots no one else in the room.

"Am I the first one here?" he dares to ask.

Pegasus drops his head and pulls Yuugi close. His left arm comes around and turns Yuugi towards Kaiba. Yuugi has never met Kaiba before, but he's seen the businessman's photograph and logo on every billboard, magazine, and website. Kaiba Seto is the Japanese game idol, so Yuugi figures that it would make sense that he is also the best gamer in Japan. How the boy has the time to be both a CEO of an international gaming company and the world's best gamer is unbeknownst to Yuugi, but it seems that everyone must have a hobby.

The boy is seated before a low table, upon which sits a traditional 19×19 Go board. The black and white game pieces rest on opposing sides; Kaiba is black. Yuugi has played Go many times with his father before he left for business trips, and later on with his grandfather. Yuugi knows the rules and strategies to winning, so as Yuugi steps into the dark room, he begins to strategise how to win against Kaiba. Kaiba Seto is considered by _Game King_ to be a Japanese scholar-offical: that is, a well-rounded young man who has mastered the four essential arts of a Chinese gentlemen – guquin, Go, calligraphy, and painting. It is rumoured that Kaiba Seto's adopted father, Kaiba Gozaburo, taught these skills to his son so that he could one day inherit the KaibaCorp company. Yuugi isn't sure how much of this article he believes, for it was written at the same time that the paparazzi were trying to unveil the supposed abuse of Kaiba Gozaburo on his adopted children.

Yuugi is sure, though, that playing Go against Kaiba Seto will be impossible. Kaiba will not lose.

His opponent is dressed in a dark blue kimono embroided with silver thread. There is no pattern, but the fabric ripples like dark waves over his shoulders, chest, and legs. The obi contrasts: it is white and rips across Kaiba's chest, pulled tight so that Yuugi can see how tall and lean the man is. Yuugi feels underdressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and he displays this by tugging at his clothes.

"Do not worry," Pegasus says, leading him further into the room with a guiding hand. "I didn't expect you to be prepared. No one will see this."

When they reach the middle of the room, Yuugi is pushed down to his knees before the table. The white pieces shimmer even though there is no light in this room. The dark tendrils continue to creep by. Yuugi wants to pinch himself awake, but deep down he knows that this is not a dream. This is real. He is at the Unmei Tea House, which he has passed every day on his way to high school. The man across from him is Kaiba Seto, who is also the mysterious KAI who beat every game in the world. Pegasus J. Crawford is the man holding him down with a smile.

 _Come and meet your fate._

"Hello," Yuugi begins, bowing low. "My name is Mutou Yuugi, and -"

"I start." Kaiba picks up his first stone, places it towards a corner, and then looks up at Yuugi. "Your turn."

Yuugi frowns. He picks up his stone and places it in the adjacent corner. His grandfather taught him that before attacking, one must first establish territory. Once both players have enough territory, then they can begin expanding and capturing the opponent's area. However, on Kaiba's third turn he places a black stone far from his original territory. Yuugi feels the atmosphere in the room change. He looks up to see Kaiba rigid in his seat.

"That's a unique strategy," Yuugi comments. His voice sounds hollow. With a laugh, Yuugi asks, "Who taught you how to play?"

Yuugi had hoped the comment would sound playful and friendly, but Kaiba's face grows harsh. "Pay attention to the game," he snarls, and he slams another black stone next to his distant stone.

"Sorry," Yuugi whispers. He plays his next stone in his territory. As the game continues, Kaiba plays his pieces around the board. At first, Yuugi thought his opponent was teasing him. Yuugi has played many Go matches and never seen a strategy like this. It's often considered suicidal to play stones sporadically, as they can be easily captured. By playing this way, it is difficult to maintain territory before the distant pieces are captured. However, Yuugi sees that Kaiba's strategy works in his favour. Because the pieces are spread out, Kaiba owns more territory than Yuugi, and because he hadn't simply played one piece in each corner, Kaiba owns many living groups.

Yuugi has never seen a strategy like this before. Kaiba's disconnected pieces work together. The board has become dark – Yuugi's glimmering white stones huddle together as the oppressive black stones push forward.

"You're nothing like I thought you'd be," Kaiba says.

Yuugi looks up. His opponent is smiling like a shark, teeth exposed and eyes shining. Yuugi feels himself wanting to beat someone like this. _Game King_ would love him. Yuugi smiles as he pictures the front page of next week's issue: _Mutou Yuugi beats billionaire CEO Kaiba Seto in historic Go game._ Beating KAI is only one success; beating Kaiba Seto is a promise of stardom.

Yuugi places one stone forward. Kaiba has yet to capture any of Yuugi's territory, so they are still tied. The sporadic strategy is not unbeatable.

Black and white begin to battle each other. Yuugi's large living form moves in towards the first of Kaiba's mini forms. It would make sense that the bigger eats the smaller, but Yuugi finds it difficult to overpower something so full of life. Kaiba, like Yuugi, seems to breathe life into his games. As Yuugi attacks, Kaiba begins playing into that piece. Then, once Yuugi has nearly conquered that territory, he begins mobilizing his next living form. The black miasma move in, and again Yuugi and Kaiba battle.

Around them, the lights flicker. The shadows lucid movements become frenzied. Pegasus has disappeared – to where, Yuugi does not know, but he finds himself afraid in the presence of only Kaiba Seto. His opponent has been watching him with a lethal look. Each movement that Kaiba makes sends shivers down Yuugi's spine. Most of all, there is something that pushes Kaiba. His determination is borderline manic. What would Kaiba do to win? What would he _not_ do?

Yuugi captures Kaiba's second territory with difficulty, but he cannot help and cheer at his actions. Yuugi throws one hand up in the air, holding his white stone in the air, and laughs.

"This is fun, Kaiba-kun!" he tells him.

A gun is raised to his face. Yuugi's cheering slows, then stops, for he realises that to Kaiba, this is more than a game.

"You will lose," Kaiba says. "And I will win."

 _But I'm winning,_ Yuugi wants to say. _And even though I don't want to win, my grandfather needs this. We need the publicity and the money. If I beat you, I would be champion. I don't even need to be the King of All Games; I can just be the King of_ _One Game._

Yuugi swallows places his stone down. He avoids Kaiba's lethal glares and the gun that stays pointed at his head. The hand holding the gun does not shake. Kaiba will kill him. He'll kill him in this dark room where shadows crawl on the walls scrolls, where the flowers in the pots grow even though there is no light spilling through any of the windows. No one will know that he died because no one knows this match exists. People will know the results, but the story will never be revealed.

If Yuugi wins, he will die.

Yuugi's white stones advance. _Click._ Yuugi's hand shakes as he places each white stone down. Kaiba's black stone circle his living form as though they are rabid dogs hunting rabbits. The gun will decide who wins this battle, though.

"Kaiba-kun, why do you want to win?" Yuugi asks.

"I don't have time to talk," he responds. "This isn't a game."

"But it is!" Yuugi says. The gun shakes. Yuugi stands. "That's all this is, Kaiba-kun: a game. Please, please put the gun away."

Kaiba says nothing. His slim fingers slide along the barrel, then come to rest on the trigger. He taps his fingers to the stop-and-start of Yuugi's heart, for each time he touches the trigger Yuugi wonders if his life will end there. Yuugi wonders if the white light he'll see when he dies will be the white Go stones dropping onto his corpse, or if he'll see the glimmer of Kaiba's silver obi as his opponent stands above him.

Yuugi plays again. While Kaiba believes in distancing himself and growing up from growing apart, Yuugi believes in teamwork and support. His pieces remain together and attack as one entity. The white stones shine like stars on the board; the darkness is banished to one tarnished corner. Yuugi knows there are only three plays left before he wins, and he knows that Kaiba cannot change the outcome in the outcome.

Yuugi wins.

Kaiba puts the gun to his head. _Click._ He taps the trigger twice.

"No," Yuugi says. Fear rises in Yuugi's throat; it chokes him. "Kaiba, please, no."

"To lose is to die. Let me win." Kaiba presses the gun harder into his head. "Let me win, Mutou, or I'll pull this trigger. I know that you don't need to win. You need popularity. But whether you win or lose is irrelevant. You're just some kid off the street that lives in a game shop." He pauses. "But I need to win."

"Why?" Yuugi asks.

The gun shakes.

"Tell me, Kaiba-kun! I'll let you win, please! Tell me why! Why can't you lose!"

But Yuugi knows, so he doesn't have to listen to Kaiba tell him what _Game King_ told him two months ago in a special labelled " _The Secret Childhood of Kaiba Seto_ ". Yuugi hadn't believed it back then because every week there seemed to a new unveiled secret about Kaiba Seto. Yet even thought Yuugi didn't trust the information, he remembered the article. 'To Lose Is to Die' was the motto under which Kaiba was raised. Kaiba Gozaburo believed in results, actions, and achievements. Those did not come from losing. He instilled in his prodigious child that winning is the only way to live.

"I can't lose," Kaiba tells Yuugi. "I have to win – for my company, for my brother, for me. If you lose, the world moves on. If I lose, I lose publicity. I lose the respect of the other billionaire businessmen who I have blackmailed into paying for the installation of 500 Kaiba Land theme parks. I lose the respect of my brother, who has helped me design these theme parks. I lose the respect of all the orphan children like me who aren't able to play games. Yuugi, if I lose, I lose my dream. Is your dream better than mine?"

The darkness in the room chokes Yuugi. Seeing the gun pressed up against his opponent's head is worse. Yuugi wants to reach out and pull it away, or tell Kaiba that it will be OK. But Kaiba won't be OK. The scars may have healed, but Yuugi knows that Kaiba still lives with the memories. _To Lose Is to Die._ Yuugi cannot win and save Kaiba.

Tears drip from Yuugi's eyes. He brushes them away with a shaking hand, then rests his hand in the pot. He pulls a stone, holds it between his index and middle finger. Yuugi wants to win. He wants to make his grandfather proud. But Yuugi knows that he does not need to win. He did not come here to become the champion.

Yuugi sets the white stone back into the pot. "I can't play any more. I forfeit."

The shadows in the room pull back, disappearing in cracks and crevices that Yuugi hadn't seen before. The room becomes lighter. The painted scrolls are pillars along the walls dressed in ancient poems. The flowers in the vases stretch high towards the large windows and open doors. Gold light spills from the openings. Yuugi can smell tea being brewed in another room.

On queue, Pegasus arrives. He is dressed in an expansive red kimono with a delicate embroidery of yellow flowers. His long hair billows behind him as he approaches them, tea set in hand.

"Congratulations, Kaiba-kun," he cheers. He hands the other man a tea cup filled with hot matcha tea. Kaiba accepts it, but his expression is sour and he does not drink it. Pegasus then turns to Yuugi with the same beaming expression that betrays the hidden emotion – smugness. Yuugi knows that Pegasus saw the entire duel. He saw Kaiba raise the gun first to Yuugi's head and then to his own in order to ensure his victory. "And good try, Yuugi-kun." He holds out the tea cup.

"Thank you, Pegasus-san." Yuugi accepts the cup with both hands and takes a tentative sip. It's rich and flavourful, as is all rich teas during tea ceremonies.

With formalities done, Pegasus begins talking to Kaiba about the victory and how they will spread the news to the press. Pegasus jokes about the happenings of the duel as though it is small talk, but Yuugi senses that Kaiba is uncomfortable with this banter. Yuugi, too, does not wish to speak of it. Yuugi doesn't think he would have died, but he knows that if he won, the table would've been streaked red with his opponent's blood.

"We have much to discuss, Kaiba-kun, but in private," Pegasus explains. He turns to stand and catches Yuugi's eyes. "Thank you so much for coming, Yuugi-kun. You proved yourself well against your opponent." He extends his hand to Yuugi. Yuugi takes it and is pulled to his feet with a strength that shocks him. Before Yuugi can gasp, he is propelled to the door by Pegasus, who has yet to stop talking: "You are pure and kind. I see that you do not care for winning, but for achieving the best result. That's not necessarily good, but I applaud your strength."

"Thank you, Pegasus-san," Yuugi says again.

"I'm glad there was no blood. It makes for an awful mess." Yuugi swallows as he catches the sly wink of the man. "Didn't some great philosopher once say 'Winning isn't everything'? Well, I'm glad you know that. If you didn't, well..." He leaves it hanging, once again smiling at Yuugi as if to say _At least there wasn't a death count._

Yuugi cannot get another word in before the beautiful view of the tea house is blocked by the shutting of the door. Yuugi stands outside of the Unmei Tea House with a perplexed look and a handful of money that he doesn't realise was shoved into his hand before Pegasus left him. Yuugi can hear Pegasus and Kaiba's voices inside discussing the finer details of the match – and, more importantly, which of those details will remain private.

Yuugi could expose them to the press. He could take a train to _Game King_ 's office and tell them that he is Mutou Yuugi, known to the gaming community as YUU, who was supposed to have a private match with the champion KAI. Yuugi could explain the dark happenings of the duel: how Kaiba held a gun to his head, how Kaiba held the gun to his own head, how Pegasus watched nearby without intervening. Yuugi could even tell them about the eerie tea house. But would the press believe him? No one will ever know who KAI or YUU are because Pegasus will never reveal that information. If Yuugi won, Kaiba would've taken his life and then the police would be involved. The match would be exposed and YUU and KAI would be revealed. However, nothing happened. Next week's issue will read "KAI Defeats YUU in Secret Match – Details on Page 9" and there will be no mention of anything illegal or frightening.

 _Come and meet your fate,_ is what Pegasus's letter said. Does fate believe that he was destined to play against Kaiba? Was he destined to _lose_ against Kaiba?

* * *

 _Game King_ never answers his calls, and there is never a new letter asking him to schedule an interview.

The following week, Yuugi pulls out the newest issue of _Game King._ The front pages is stylized with an electric blue font that reads " _T_ _he_ _O_ _utcome of the_ _F_ _ated_ _D_ _uel between_ _KAI_ _and_ _YUU_ ". There is a drawing on the front of two figures – white and black – who stand atop a Go board. The black figure is tall, thin, arms crossed. Even though neither of these figures have faces or details, Yuugi feels like the figure is frowning. Across from the black player is the ethereal white player, who is dressed in an expansive white gown. However, the angel's hair sticks straight up in five distinct points. Yuugi laughs.

Inside, it reads:

 _Who won the match between top gamers YUU and KAI?_

 _In a shocking finale, YUU forfeited the match and let KAI win. The officials of the match, Pegasus J. Crawford and Kaiba Seto, do not know why this occurred._

The article is far longer and goes into detail on the rules of Go, some of the key plays made by KAI and YUU, and the comments of Pegasus and Kaiba on the response of this duel. Kaiba calls it "weak and naive". Pegasus calls it "exemplary and pure". There are comments at the bottom from _Game King_ editors as well, who also explain their confusion of this result. Yuugi feels that they are glossing over much of the information – so much that this competitions sounds like a cheery meeting between two friends, and one forfeited because he had to catch the last train.

 _No,_ thinks Yuugi, _I let Kaiba-kun win because he needs to win. He needs to win because there are children out there that depend on him to realise their dreams. Kaiba-kun has a brother out there with a dream, and Kaiba has a dream. This dream is the same. Kaiba deserves to win because why does the champion always have to fall?_

At the bottom of the page is a quote that states it is from Yuugi: "Winning isn't everything." Yuugi laughs. _To Lose Is to Die._ How black and white he and Kaiba see the world.


End file.
